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Everything Happens Only Once

by totemo

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1.
what made me grateful made me scared what made me scared made me dangerous so you had to bury me with it you told me that I could do anything mistaken, I thought I should do everything so you had to bury me with it the music ate me when I was underground made me insane made me rise up so you had to bury me with it night falls stars dot the skies Kate remind me how even the smallest dot’s very much round sun comes up, as do I Kate don't fail me now even the smallest smile is big enough so you have to carry me with it
2.
I wore my black gowns wanted to swallow light was out to swell and grow and glow in the dark don’t wanna show you my eyes don’t owe you my eyes won’t take off those shades hide in plain sight maybe it’s a waste all these words that will never meet the ear I showed up late for taking off my shades spent years building character and today I'm getting paid infiltrated ranks of poets I wonder how long before my cover is blown maybe it’s a waste all these words that will never meet the ear I showed up late for taking off my shades can’t you see I’m just the messenger will self destruct in five four three two one let my guards down endlessly inside my head again will self destruct in five four three two one I keep it to myself
3.
I'll hang the question from all four walls of the room I will stretch it across the hall and under the doormat when it’s dormant be creative with me we can and will find peace in repetition love try to connect the dots with me can't disconnect the thoughts I am having be creative with me you have to let the air in to live so do it over, do it again can’t hold your breath forever I need you to do it over, do it again I just want to produce, and simply be of use and while we welcome wind and rain we live and breathe under the circumstances be creative with me you have to let the air in to live so do it over, do it again can’t hold your breath forever I need you to do it over, do it again the universe has been breathing down my neck got me mindless as a weapon so we have to say farewell or to morph into this new thing let it happen, we have a plan it could be a map, it could be a maze let it happen, it’s the perfect play
4.
silence is not the enemy but I need fifty words for time just to keep it down silence is not the end of me but I need fifty words for time just to keep it down I need fifty words for time one will do for now I am free until I'm caught this right here’s all I've got and I can only say this until I'm out I am alright until I'm not I will hum it out on and on, hum it out until forever I just wanna get a reply balancing fits of jealousy well, I need fifty words for time just to keep it down I need fifty words for time one will do for now
5.
my mind is stuck on you like a melody and I can’t shake the hook my heart might break at the sound of the chime, but sound is allowed close is all I ever tried to become, so sound is allowed here I am choking in the march I hear the water slides when I open up my mouth trumpets are empty but still getting loud ‘cause sound is allowed my mind is stuck on you like a melody and I can’t shake the hook you clawed at me your sound is allowed there’s a you on the other side of this night sound is allowed transform now to lack of form all the mirrors must die, but sound is allowed here I am choking in the march I hear the water slides when I open up my mouth trumpets are empty but still getting loud ‘cause sound is allowed my mind is stuck on you like a melody and I can’t shake the hook you clawed at me your sound is allowed
6.
Origami 02:51
you make this wonderful sound cracking open I'm still all in but now I mean falling it takes a very long time to unfold it still you make a wonderful sound cracking open I open up, up just to find that inside I'm origami I countermove every move and so you see why any move without thought is a good move for me I open up, up just to find that inside I'm origami and time is stroking me glides over me origami
7.
Soft Master 04:00
your moving is critical to any experience if there is a narrator in the space saying it’s you don’t try to pull back stay in the moment while I steal your words keep talking, go on, keep talking it's all about making a choice to be a soft master but will I know my very own voice in whatever I’m after moving the story on, the sources make themselves known they bring on noises, they might never go but your body is speaking in tongues, saying stay in the moment while I steal your words keep talking, go on, keep talking it's all about making a choice to be a soft master but will I know my very own voice in whatever I’m after through the echoes I try to pick it out I have to get faster as time moves it’s harder to tell apart to get straight answers superposed, aligned, they coincide can’t make it out can’t figure out who’s speaking and whose side is it on whose side am I on
8.
no capacity for competition that’s because your heart spread to your lungs and liver and you will never know what it’s like to be loved by someone like you you’re here to prove the existence of a soul which isn’t yours and give it a home but you will never know what it’s like to be loved by someone like you someone like you would tell me to follow through I’m about to then you must come true this broken symmetry between us it keeps me going but surely slowing down you will never know what it’s like to be loved by someone like you someone like you would tell me to follow through I’m about to then you must come true I believe in action but afraid of motion fascinated by these incomplete arguments and notions they keep me alert is this an alert?
9.
Black Holes 03:14
I’m a man on a train, I’ve had a terrible day I stared and examined the marks on my hands before gently starting to rub them away I’ve forgotten how or why, but someone must have put them there yet all the while I didn't seem frightened or scared of their existence or that the rubbing was in vain look at me avoiding black holes in broad daylight I was just remembering my life all over again it had to happen, my hands gave it away everything happens only once both a comfort and a curse so I take the train downtown and be gone look at me avoiding black holes in broad daylight and sometimes I fail to understand words but an image does come to mind: everybody drops the ball at the same time
10.
watching you watching me failing sets the itch in me at ease still I find comfort in knowing we're only going backwards, so I will see you at the beginning but you won’t see me I know you are like me something lets the child inside us be free and find comfort in knowing we're only going backwards, so I will see you at the beginning but you won’t see me let’s suck the life out of this life feel everything at once pretend that it’s a good thing instead you back away and say it’s nothing personal, no like it’s a good thing I will see you at the beginning

credits

released March 1, 2019

All songs written and performed by Totemo
Produced by Roy Avital and Totemo
Mixed and mastered by Roy Avital 
Guzheng and Piano by Roy Avital and Totemo
Guitar, Bass and Erhu by Roy Avital
Additional drums and percussion by Ran Jacobovitz
Baritone Sax and Clarinet by Eden Bareket

Album tracklist edited by Quami
Photography by Sillan Dallal
Art direction and styling by Odie Senesh
Cover design by Yoni Levy
Management: IMU Records
Distributed by IMU Records and Kamea Records
Public Relations by Irit Yaron-Deker

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totemo Israel

Tel-Aviv-based singer / producer

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